Saturday, July 23, 2011

Accepting Rejection

Who is rejecting whom?
Recently, I applied for a position which would have returned me to the "corporate world".  I made this decision as I thought it would facilitate my financial and personal goals.  My dream to study ayurveda yogic doctrine and become a certified yogini.  I had researched and found the place in which I wish to study, the teacher, and a tuition structure.  This study requires a commitment of time that can not be afforded within the parameters of my current part time employment.   Thus, I felt the need to return to what I know best, administrative work.  I know this work like the back of my hand.  I've not only performed the position, but I've supervised, managed, and even trained others on how to perform this work. So, I applied for a position I could easily do with my eyes closed.  In my arrogance, I did not want to work anywhere for anyone.  I selectively applied to organizations I thought would compliment and run concurrent with the personal dedication I made to be of a giving nature.  One such company contacted me and I interviewed with them a total of three times:  initially, a callback interview, and finally with a panel.  In each interview, I confidently told my truth, submitted my credentials, and tried to explain, in a manner I thought of as humble, that although I was overqualified, I could deliver the objectives of the position. I had eight references ready, and I was confident that I had secured the position.

One  Basket

Much to my surprise and utter shock, after receiving what I thought was good feedback, I did not get the position.  A position that was elementary to me.  I was devastated. Questions flooded my head.  Why?  Too old?  Too confident, Too intimidating? Not enough (fill in the blank)????

Remember - everything doesn't have to go into one basket
We always have several at our disposal.
I was not as concerned of not being accepted by strangers as I was concerned that my truth had been rejected.  When you stand vulnerable and honestly present your truth, your intention is for reception.  That's the only reason we do it in the first place.  It  is the very real fear of rejection that many of us never present nor face our truths.  I had also made another fatal mistake.  I had placed all of my future hopes and dreams into one basket.  No one thing brings us to any point or goal in life.  It is a myriad of variables aligning at a particular coordinate at a particular time that delivers us where we are at that time.   Why place everything into one basket when we have several at our disposal?

Why had something that seemed to be going so well suddenly crashed and burned?  Perhaps the interviewers were mirroring that which they saw before them:  rejection.  Perhaps the image I thought I was projecting was not what I was actually presenting.  Perhaps as I presented my truth to them, I wasn't listening or looking at myself.

"Ain't funny that the way you feel shows on your face?
And no matter how you try to hide, it'll state your case" © Earth Wind and Fire

Perhaps the panel could "see" the personal, internal rejection I was battling , trying to mask the decision to return to the very world I vowed to leave.  I was reluctantly and readily sacrificing a little bit of freedom in lieu of the big picture. I had dressed for the part wearing clothing and shoes I hadn't worn in years - clothing which no longer fit both physically and mentally.  Perhaps my body had rejected the business attire the same way my mind was rejecting the back and forth game of the interview process of trying to give the "right" answer in the right manner, the same way my soul was rejecting the idea of fitting back into the box I so loved to think outside of.  Perhaps the struggle and rejection was so evident that the panel had no other choice but to reject me in lieu of another candidate who deserved to be there.

Not quite ready to accept this truth, I submitted my resume to a "professional reviewer" for a critique.  The main point he claimed was wrong with my resume was that it screams that I am a "doer" not an "achiever".  Hmmm, this puzzled me.  Yes, I am a doer.  I get things done, I've made things happen which has lead to a previously successfully career.  I've achieved and accomplished quite a few awards, commendations, and recognition.  For a fee, the reviewer could elaborate this for me.  NOT!  I looked up the free definition for myself:
do:  to perform, execute or produce; to achieve
achieve:  to perform or carry out with success, accomplish

The slight semantics here could have been what lead to my rejection.  Achievement comes natural to me which is why I don't think about "doing".  To me, it is one and the same.  I now realize that to others, there is a big difference.  I don't think I want to expend that much energy into worrying about it. It is no longer who I am.  So, as I look into my mirror to recognize this rejection,  I  accept it.   I am listening to what is being said and looking at what I am being shown. I can not return to that world in the same manner I left it.  I have evolved.  I am rejecting it.

"Opportunities surround you if you know where to look" - Chinese proverb

I had prematurely and mistakently placed my yogic goal into a basket that I did not own. The lesson here is that there is more than one way to reach a destination.  You just have to know where to look.  This job will not be the vehicle which will take me where I wish to go.  I accept this rejection.  I am not revising my resume to highlight achievement over doing.  I shall instead, place it into its own basket labeled Employment.  There will be another opportunity in which the truth I tell and the truth I exhibit will align.  The learning is knowing the correct audience in which to reveal.  True alignment will always bring success.   It is important to stay on the path. I will study ayurveda yogic doctrine but it will arrive in a manner different from what I once knew.

Rain Water

You may ask what does this have to do with yoga. veganism, and transformation? Everything. The conversion to veganism is certainly filled with rejection but it doesn't matter what you apply it to.  Rejection of any thing you present, whether it be transforming lifestyle, changing diet, relationship, or employment, still feels the same. It is up to you to face it, understand it, do something about it, to seek new opportunity and to accomplish.

Use the rain collected in the vessel to
cleanse and begin life anew.
With this in mind, I have decided  to take out a few additional baskets in which to place a few other things:  one for Yoga, one for Vegan Adventures, one for Aspirations, and a special vessel to collect the rain that falls when we feel rejection.  Accept this vessel.  Use the rain water collected to refresh, rejuvenate and revive. Rain is water;  water which cleanses and is the key of life.  As you accept your rejection, learn from it.  Look in the mirror and be clear about that which you also reject, place each thing in its proper basket. Don't limit yourself, use as many baskets as you need to avoid the mistake of putting too many things in one basket or mixing inconsistent items.  Accept the rain and use the vessel to begin life anew.

Yoga -  Chant:  Guru Guru Wahe Guru, Guru Ram Das Guru

In preparation for opportunity yet to come, this Mantra, meant to initiate the healing process, is appropriate for beginning anew after accepting rejection.  The chanting of Guru Guru Wahe Guru, Guru Ram Das Guru
 is also a source of protection, spiritual light, guidance, and humility.

In gratitude, 


jen mcgown said...

powerful, profound, and introspective. my dear soul sister, thank you for your honest and humble words and for sharing them with us, which I can see so clearly through your refined and mindful lenses. I can relate to so much of your experience - everything being from trying on clothes that no longer fit physically, mentally or emotionally, to not having financial funds to pursue my intended plan, to not fitting in to a certain environment or a certain basket, to doing the "research" to investigate someone's perspective :), to learning to adopt an attitude of joy for whatever life throws my way. Knowing it is not so much the obstacle, but how we gracefully walk the course.
Every afternoon I sit down to a cup of soul tea - no matter the heat :) On afternoons like today when I teach, I like to dedicate my feel-good energy to doing things that fill my cup. This afternoon, I vowed to pour over your words and indeed it has filled my cup and so much more.
I appreciate your honesty, integrity, and your ability to reflect from a place of authenticity. Thank you for providing me a chant as I initiate my own healing process, after I feel rejected by sources higher than myself, as I meditate on my water chakra. Thank you for the reminder to choose to walk the path with honesty, authenticity, and humility.
My deepest bow, namaste, jen

Yoga Girl said...

Sat Nam dear jen.
Thank you. Your words are music to my ears my dear sister. I too love to sit with tea regardless of the weather. I never thought of it as soul tea but it is apropos. I shall find time to sit with you and share tea one afternoon. In the meanwhile, I pray love and gratitude for your Swadhisthana, and tomorrow, I shall focus on Anahata, in dedication to you.
My deepest bow to you in return,
Namaste. _/|\_

Ramona said...

What you wrote is so inspiring and I will share this message with others!