Losing Control

I have lost control.  This is a new feeling for me for I was always an "in control person".  I was always the one to be on top of affairs, run things, coordinate, orchestrate, conduct, facilitate, manage.  This proved very successful during my corporate years as I was rewarded and sought out because I could "make things happen" and "get things done".   I ran every aspect of my life and those in it with diligence. I easily managed  multi-million dollar budgets and several hundred employees in the same manner I orchestrated family trips and play dates.  I was always the "go to girl" for corporate projects, functions, baby showers, or weddings.  Everything always went off successfully.   I thought fast on my feet and always had a back up plan or alternative to ensure a final successful objective.  I recall how proud I was at the "astonishment" of other parents when I gave them a typed Agenda of Events for my son's 5 year birthday party.  It never dawned on me that their reaction may not have been in accolade of my "accomplishment".  I did not notice because my focus was centered on controlling the situation. It was important that I even dictated or at least influenced how others even thought of me and what I was doing.  I was always intent on controlling how I thought I appeared, not realizing that the tight, overbearing grip does not align nor appeal with a peaceful, zen-filled life.  It took a simple act of waste disposal to send me spiraling out of control with a blissful gratitude.

Throwing it all away

Last week, my area was scheduled for a long awaited disposal of yard waste and debris. After a long winter, it was great to clean up loose leaves, dead shrubs, and grass clippings.  As we are in the process of cutting down a dead tree, we had accumulated quite a bit of branches and twigs for disposal.  Since the pick up is not a regularly scheduled event, I had written it on the calendar a month in advance to ensure we would not miss  pick up.  Since my town has strict rules about when and what you can put out on the curb, to place the waste out the night before was not feasible. It was important to put things out first thing in the morning. All day prior to  pick up, I literally calculated how and why I would bound the branch bundles and determined where each would lay. I went to bed ready to get up to get things out bright and early.  When I awoke, I immediately prepared to go outside to start my task.   To my utter surprise, for the first time in years, I had slept longer than I wished to.  I immediately began to panic, feeling the control slip from my grasp.  My house was quiet.  My family had already left for the day.  I had missed their departure, something I had not ever done.  When I opened my front door ready to get back on track, lo and behold, to my utter surprise,  the waste was prepared and placed at the curb, ready for pick up.  My family had taken care of it.  No, they did not calculate  how, why or where to do it; nor did they "consult" with me, they just did it.  I went back in and sat down.  This simple act became an earth shattering revelation for me.  The objective was accomplished and I had nothing to do with it.  I had no control over it.  I had lost control and all was still standing.  With no control, I had just learned how  to rely and how to depend.

Dependence

When I started practicing yoga,  as I first began my vegan transition, I never hesitated to accept the assistance of others.  I naturally sought out others for help in areas I had no knowledge.  Perhaps the humility of the practice and the quieting of my mind allowed my heart become open to dependence.  In this instance, I came to the realization that you can not control that which you do not know and that is it okay not to know. I discovered a new found freedom in accepting the guidance and reliance of others, discovering that as I became more agile in poses and more knowledgeable in raw vegan consumption, I find I need not be in control, that things will eventually fall into place exactly where and as it should at the precise moment it is meant to occur.  Being present in the moment and acceptance of self "as-is" was wonderful in my yogic vegan life however it took the trash episode to break the grip of mental control I still maintained on everything outside of the vegan, yogic circle.  I am finally beginning to loosen up.

  

Loosening Up

In my past, the worst in the world that could ever happen would be to lose control.  The epiphany of last week has shown that loosing control is not a terrible thing at all.  It is something we all can do on a regular basis.  Loosen up and let it go. For in reality, you never were in control of others anyway.  You can't control other people or other things.  There is an arrogance somewhere hidden within the thought of being "controlling" that facilitates such thought.  Let it go.  Imagine an empty glass on an empty table.  Allow the glass to fill up slowly with water.  See the water fill the glass to the brim and feel the water spill over the sides onto table and run in all directions off of the edge.   Imagine yourself as the water.  Imagine  you filling up glass to the brim as you slowly begin to spill out in all directions, all over the place with no control...dispersed.   Instead of focusing on self, become so full of yourself that you have had enough, that you now must spill out into the unknown to spread and share that which you used to try to keep contained in the one glass on one table.  

As you lose grip of that which you held too tightly, let it go, as well as what others may think of you, of expectation, of objective if each is something that continues to keep you bound and wound around artificially created stresses and desires.   If your hands are in, on, and around everything, it is time.  Time to learn to look to see your true self.  Realize that a typed agenda for a "party" of 5-year olds is absurd.  Realize that attempting to manipulate your view upon others in an the attempt to influence their view of you is selfish and inconsiderate.  Stop, reflect, look through your trash for your "ah-ha" moment.  Realize that sometimes, it is okay to be out of control, to throw it all away, to accept dependence. Understand that you don't have to know or do everything, to touch everyone, or to always be in control.  Accept that through meditation and breath, you can let your mind drift to free your spirit, releasing the grasps and tensions that kept you up on your toes, holding up shoulders, eyebrows, hair, heart rates, agendas and schedules.  Know that when you return to your physical state, you will see just as I have, that the earth is still rotating on its axis, that objectives were met, that others helped and that everything is fine, just as it should be.

Yoga - Partner Poses

When practicing yoga with a partner, one practices dependence as the full benefit of the posture can not be realized without release of personal control.  Instead of focusing on "self", the focus is to be reliable to and to rely upon "other".  Partner poses provide deeper stretches, connectivity, challenge, and increased strength.  Partner practice facilitates awareness of letting go of control, letting go of self, and encourages reliance, bonding, sharing,  and awareness.  

Servant Leadership

I first heard this oxymoronic term in my corporate life about fifteen years ago.  As a member of my firm's executive staff, I was required as so were my colleagues, to take some form of annual training. Each year, it was something we all dreaded.  Our CEO however, an excellent strategic planner, had arranged for each of us to take the same course together maximizing the effectiveness of the training with minimal time away from the office.  The course was aptly titled "Servant Leadership".  Everyone in that room, myself included, were responsible for managing a major division.  We were "important", we were "leaders".   

The instructor began by asking us to look around the room and to single out our business nemesis, the one colleague that got under our skin.  That was easy.  As seniors, we were all extremely territorial and competitive.  There were definitely a few rivalries each vying for the favor of the CEO.   The instructor asked us to write down five work-related things we disliked about the person we selected.  We had ten minutes to do so.  Easy.  I jotted down seven things in two minutes.  Then the instructor did something interesting...he gave us ten more minutes and asked us to write down five work-related things we "liked" about the same person.  hmm.  Not so easy.  I managed to jot down just two things before the time ran out.  Everyone in the room had the same experience.  The instructor told us that our egos had lead us to feel superior and competitive , that we felt we could display negativity and judgment regarding someone's else work.   We had each objectified the people we had selected, failing to see their humanity. This same ego prohibited us from possessing the humility needed to acknowledge the goodness in our colleagues' work; that just as easily as we selected someone to "dislike", someone else had most probably easily selected us also.

Humility

The point of the exercise was to learn how to "see" people and how to be humble.  The instructor told us that "you can't lead unless you know how to serve".  How profound.   When you quiet your pride, you open your heart and your hands to humility and servitude.  Our CEO got it!  By serving the needs of her egotistical staff, she had broken barriers which resulted in a more cohesive, successful organization.  She saw that she could not lead the organization forward if the senior staff did not get along.  Under the auspices of "mandatory training", it was brilliant leadership.

Prepare to serve.  Humble yourself.

  I've never forgotten this lesson and was grateful to receive it early in my career as I used it to "pay it forward" and I learned to serve my staff as I led them.  I never thought this concept could be used outside of my corporate world.  More and more, I am finding that the more I humble myself to service the needs of others, the more I find myself in a position of leadership as opportunities to teach, coach, direct, guide and share continue to present themselves.

The vegan and yogic community is a "pay it forward" world.  As someone helps you, you help someone else, who in turn helps yet another.  You can only give and receive help if you are humble enough to admit that you need help, and are grateful when you receive it.  It is a positive cycle.  Thus, serving and leading are one and the same, a strong servant also leads and directs the manner in which those they serve shall go.

Hands-On

I've had the pleasure of meeting Jen McGown.  Jen is the humble leader of One Yoga Philly yoga studio and is also the founder of the, Yoga on the Parkway, which fulfills her dream of serving the citizens of her city.  It is an event that promotes health and wellness.  It is the ultimate example of paying it forward.

I am certain that those who attend or lend a helping hand will be touched in some manner and will reach out to someone else.  No ego's here.  I am most impressed with Jen because she has used her hands to create this event first to those she served, and then led, folks whose hands now work in her stead spreading a positive message with infectious enthusiasm.  She so eloquently  wrote about it a very moving blog entry in which she shares her gratitude.  What touched me about this entry is that it reminded me of the training I mentioned earlier.  Jen, like the instructor, had removed the objectivity out of leadership and made it real, made it "human".

As I wrote to her in response to this post, I stated that it all begins with the hands.  Hands are tangible and hold your truth.    Using your hands to effect change shall be returned in abundance. How you use them will either condemn you or reward you. Why not use them positively?

King or King Maker

Ask yourself.  Who is more powerful, the King or the King Maker?  A wise man will tell you it isn't the king.  It is the servant, the king maker.  If the king is powerful, how powerful is he who makes the king?  The servant is the person behind the scenes "making it happen".  If you are the king:

• be sure to serve the king maker and your reign shall be long and prosperous for the king maker shall lend their hand to help you serve the people

• remember to pay it forward by mentoring and becoming the maker of future kings

Think of those you consider great leaders albeit personal, historical, or famous.  What did they have in common? What made them great?  Can you recognize their servitude and humility?  If you can not, then you have not identified a true leader.  You have mistakenly identified a dictator, one who abuses power, one who lets their egos take over, one who consumes and uses their hands to break instead of build.

We are all born with the capability to become leaders.  How we choose to develop our inner leader is determined by our actions:

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others"~Gandhi 

Identify your leadership.    Look, see, attend.  Focus on five good things in a person instead of five that aren't. Define your servitude.  Embrace your humility. 

Namaste. 

Yoga:  Mudras (Healing Hand Movement)

When you think of serving, you usually start with your hands.  In yoga, the hands play an important role in practice.  Hands are used to perform mudras. Mudras begin with the hands but can encompass the entire body.  People use mudras without even realizing it as hands in prayer position is a common mudra used in several religions.

Guyan Mudra
Stimulates knowledge, ability, receptiveness and calm.

According to Kundalini Yoga.org, "a mudra is a gesture or position of the hands that locks and guides energy flow and reflexes to the brain.  By curling, crossing, stretching, and touching the fingers and hands, we can talk to the body and mind as each of the area of the hand reflexes to a certain part of the mind or body."  In Buddhism, a mudra is the beginning of cleansing on the path to enlightenment.

A mudra prepares the mind and the body for service and for leadership.

Serendipity

I live in a small town.  One square mile to be exact.  Founded a little over 300 years ago, it’s scattered with historic homes and buildings.  We even have a tree that dates back to the late 1600’s. There are only a few thousand residents.  Aside from three franchises (a convenient mart, donut shop, and discount store), there are no big box flagship stores or shopping centers.  We don’t even have a commercial supermarket or hospital.  While all of these things are very close by in neighboring townships, there are none in my town.  The main street is peppered with small merchants and it has a open market filled with produce and seasonal plants from local farmers.  I love my town.  It is quaint.  I thought I knew my town well but alas, I do not .  Last week, as I walked down the main thoroughfare,  a street  I must have walked down a thousand times, I decided to stop into a shop that I had never been in.   I needed nutritional yeast.  I did not feel like traveling the usual 5-6 miles outside of my neighborhood to purchase at my usual vegetarian shop.  I walked in to what I thought was a “vitamin store” hoping to find the yeast.  My expectation was low.   When I walked in, I was immediately greeted by the proprietor who kindly introduced himself.  As I looked around, my jaw dropped. This was not a vitamin store at all.  It was a vegan lover’s delight!  I realized I was in the middle of a serendipitous moment.

Serendipity -  the act of finding something valuable or delightful 

when you are not looking for it; a happy accident; an extremely pleasant and 

unexpected surprise that was not planned but happened for the good.

The store had everything a vegan could ever need or want : organic grains, beans, seeds and raw nuts; spices sold by the weight; hemp protein; tempeh; agave nectar; nut and rice milks; organic cacao; chia fruit bars; a freezer filled with vegan desserts; salad dressings; raw vinegars; natural soaps, shampoos, and body oils. In the rear was a full library of resource materials and as if that weren’t enough, the store holds free vegetarian cooking class once a month and weekly a devotional/meditation .   Flabbergasted, I must have spent an hour in there talking with the owner and other patrons before finally purchasing everything but the nutritional yeast!

After I left, I could not help but think that the pleasant surprise of discovering that this “not  a vitamin store” in my own town, walking distance from my house, was  demonstrative of my vegan trek thus far.  At every turn, I’ve been surprised with good fortune.

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

Feb 3^rd  marked the start of the Chinese New Year.  There are 12 animals in the Chinese Zodiac which represent  a 12-year cycle used for dating the years.  Every year is assigned an animal name or "sign" according to a repeating cycle.  Therefore, every twelve years the same animal name or "sign" would reappear.  The animal in circulation at the time of your birth is the one which represents you.  You will experience your year at ages 12, 24, 36, etc.  This year is the “Year of the Rabbit”  which to my good fortune, is also the animal of the year in which I was born.  It is my year.  How appropriate that my “year” would also be the one in which I will celebrate both six months and my first anniversary of living vegan.  There are many complementing traits attributed to people born under the Rabbit, one of which is that they are generally “lucky”.  Wow.  Another pleasant surprise and confirmation that I am moving forward in accordance to my path.  The Chinese do not wish each other “Happy New Year” as we Westeners do.   Instead, they wish blessings of prosperity to their fellow man.  In Cantonese, this greeting is written as "Gong Xi Fa Cai".  With this in mind, I realize that I must honor and be true to my rabbit.

“Be not afraid of greatness”  “To thine ownself be true”

Two great quotes from the William Shakespeare.  What wisdom and advice!  We are taught  as children to be modest in our decorum, and to be humble in our nature.  But we always managed to shout out, "Hey,  I'm great, Look what I can do!!!"  As adults, sometimes, we somehow loose the fight and take modesty a little too much to heart .  We do not follow our own paths.  We become afraid to take a leap of faith because we fear our own success.  While we know the difference between shouting our greatness and arrogant pride,  we fear being falsely labeled as a braggart.  This leads to unhappiness because we are not

Don't be afraid, remember your youth
  Acknowledge your greatness! Your truth will follow

following our truths.   Each step we take should be towards our own greatness, a step which elevates us from one level to another. 

Take the time to get to know yourself.  Realize your strengths and weaknesses.  Use one to help the other.   Celebrate and reward yourself when you stumble upon a “happy accident”.  As you continuously repeat this process, you will begin to learn what you should and shouldn’t do, and you will feel empowered, less afraid to go out to venture into new territories, to experience new greatness – to walk down streets you have always walked down to discover a new truth and wonderful place filled with goodies  just for you.

As I continue this journey, what I feared is slowly dissolving.  I am no longer intimated by seemingly difficult recipes, nutritional balance, or lack of support.   I am discovering greatness in numbers, an abundance of food choices, and a growing of number of vegan support.  I feel empowered to create new recipes, experiment with different foods, reach out for help, and "think" much "larger" than I did before.  It feels simple because for me, it is truth.

Celebrate the Rabbit this year.  According to one website, in Chinese tradition, regardless of which year you were born, the Rabbit brings a year in which you can catch your breath and calm your nerves.  It is a time for negotiation.  Don’t try to force issues because if you do, you will ultimately fail.   My wish for you this year is:

Accept what is great.  Live your life to the fullest! 

May you give love, feel love, and be loved.  

May you be prosperous, experience the blissful joy of serendipitous,

  pleasant surprises and remember to savor each and every day. 

 May you be great and true.

Yoga:  Sasagasana (Rabbit Pose)  and Sat Nam (universal unchanging self truth)

Sasangasana:  Rabbit Pose

In yoga, the rabbit pose or Sasangasana aids digestion (another pleasant surprise!).  It improves thyroid function, helps sinus problems, and chronic tonsillitis. The Rabbit stretches the spine as you bend forward, bringing all the weight to the crown of the head permitting the nervous system to receive proper nutrition while maintaining flexibility, mobility and elasticity of the spine, arms, shoulders and back muscles.

At the end of your practice, recite the mantra Sat Nam three times.  To do so is to acknowledge that truth is your identity - to be true to yourself.  Sat Nam means unchanging, universal self truth.

Namaste.