Losing Control

I have lost control.  This is a new feeling for me for I was always an "in control person".  I was always the one to be on top of affairs, run things, coordinate, orchestrate, conduct, facilitate, manage.  This proved very successful during my corporate years as I was rewarded and sought out because I could "make things happen" and "get things done".   I ran every aspect of my life and those in it with diligence. I easily managed  multi-million dollar budgets and several hundred employees in the same manner I orchestrated family trips and play dates.  I was always the "go to girl" for corporate projects, functions, baby showers, or weddings.  Everything always went off successfully.   I thought fast on my feet and always had a back up plan or alternative to ensure a final successful objective.  I recall how proud I was at the "astonishment" of other parents when I gave them a typed Agenda of Events for my son's 5 year birthday party.  It never dawned on me that their reaction may not have been in accolade of my "accomplishment".  I did not notice because my focus was centered on controlling the situation. It was important that I even dictated or at least influenced how others even thought of me and what I was doing.  I was always intent on controlling how I thought I appeared, not realizing that the tight, overbearing grip does not align nor appeal with a peaceful, zen-filled life.  It took a simple act of waste disposal to send me spiraling out of control with a blissful gratitude.

Throwing it all away

Last week, my area was scheduled for a long awaited disposal of yard waste and debris. After a long winter, it was great to clean up loose leaves, dead shrubs, and grass clippings.  As we are in the process of cutting down a dead tree, we had accumulated quite a bit of branches and twigs for disposal.  Since the pick up is not a regularly scheduled event, I had written it on the calendar a month in advance to ensure we would not miss  pick up.  Since my town has strict rules about when and what you can put out on the curb, to place the waste out the night before was not feasible. It was important to put things out first thing in the morning. All day prior to  pick up, I literally calculated how and why I would bound the branch bundles and determined where each would lay. I went to bed ready to get up to get things out bright and early.  When I awoke, I immediately prepared to go outside to start my task.   To my utter surprise, for the first time in years, I had slept longer than I wished to.  I immediately began to panic, feeling the control slip from my grasp.  My house was quiet.  My family had already left for the day.  I had missed their departure, something I had not ever done.  When I opened my front door ready to get back on track, lo and behold, to my utter surprise,  the waste was prepared and placed at the curb, ready for pick up.  My family had taken care of it.  No, they did not calculate  how, why or where to do it; nor did they "consult" with me, they just did it.  I went back in and sat down.  This simple act became an earth shattering revelation for me.  The objective was accomplished and I had nothing to do with it.  I had no control over it.  I had lost control and all was still standing.  With no control, I had just learned how  to rely and how to depend.

Dependence

When I started practicing yoga,  as I first began my vegan transition, I never hesitated to accept the assistance of others.  I naturally sought out others for help in areas I had no knowledge.  Perhaps the humility of the practice and the quieting of my mind allowed my heart become open to dependence.  In this instance, I came to the realization that you can not control that which you do not know and that is it okay not to know. I discovered a new found freedom in accepting the guidance and reliance of others, discovering that as I became more agile in poses and more knowledgeable in raw vegan consumption, I find I need not be in control, that things will eventually fall into place exactly where and as it should at the precise moment it is meant to occur.  Being present in the moment and acceptance of self "as-is" was wonderful in my yogic vegan life however it took the trash episode to break the grip of mental control I still maintained on everything outside of the vegan, yogic circle.  I am finally beginning to loosen up.

  

Loosening Up

In my past, the worst in the world that could ever happen would be to lose control.  The epiphany of last week has shown that loosing control is not a terrible thing at all.  It is something we all can do on a regular basis.  Loosen up and let it go. For in reality, you never were in control of others anyway.  You can't control other people or other things.  There is an arrogance somewhere hidden within the thought of being "controlling" that facilitates such thought.  Let it go.  Imagine an empty glass on an empty table.  Allow the glass to fill up slowly with water.  See the water fill the glass to the brim and feel the water spill over the sides onto table and run in all directions off of the edge.   Imagine yourself as the water.  Imagine  you filling up glass to the brim as you slowly begin to spill out in all directions, all over the place with no control...dispersed.   Instead of focusing on self, become so full of yourself that you have had enough, that you now must spill out into the unknown to spread and share that which you used to try to keep contained in the one glass on one table.  

As you lose grip of that which you held too tightly, let it go, as well as what others may think of you, of expectation, of objective if each is something that continues to keep you bound and wound around artificially created stresses and desires.   If your hands are in, on, and around everything, it is time.  Time to learn to look to see your true self.  Realize that a typed agenda for a "party" of 5-year olds is absurd.  Realize that attempting to manipulate your view upon others in an the attempt to influence their view of you is selfish and inconsiderate.  Stop, reflect, look through your trash for your "ah-ha" moment.  Realize that sometimes, it is okay to be out of control, to throw it all away, to accept dependence. Understand that you don't have to know or do everything, to touch everyone, or to always be in control.  Accept that through meditation and breath, you can let your mind drift to free your spirit, releasing the grasps and tensions that kept you up on your toes, holding up shoulders, eyebrows, hair, heart rates, agendas and schedules.  Know that when you return to your physical state, you will see just as I have, that the earth is still rotating on its axis, that objectives were met, that others helped and that everything is fine, just as it should be.

Yoga - Partner Poses

When practicing yoga with a partner, one practices dependence as the full benefit of the posture can not be realized without release of personal control.  Instead of focusing on "self", the focus is to be reliable to and to rely upon "other".  Partner poses provide deeper stretches, connectivity, challenge, and increased strength.  Partner practice facilitates awareness of letting go of control, letting go of self, and encourages reliance, bonding, sharing,  and awareness.  

Being Vegan

I celebrated Thanksgiving with family and friends.  It is a traditional American holiday filled with foods that I no longer eat that no longer have the same focus for me.  In the past, it meant gorging on unhealthy foods that made you feel lethargic afterwards and to be grateful to eat it among family and friends.  It was something I thought (along with millions of others) an event that actually seemed quite fun.  As I evolve, I realize that the meaning of this holiday has changed.  Now...for me... it is no longer fun to eat something that will not help in the grand scale of things.  Now...for me...to be grateful is something that needs to be addressed per diem, not just on the last Thursday in November.  Now...for me...it is a responsibility to eat kindly every day...it is just part of being vegan.

First Raw Thanksgiving

1st Raw Thanksgiving
Marking the milestone as one year Raw approaches

Everyone around me had the traditional  animal by-product based meal.  It was something I did not wish to partake in.  As their meal was prepared, I worked, excitedly, to create my own raw meal.  My first raw meal at a table filled with just the opposite in both palate and guests.  As I put my dishes together, I rejoiced that I did not have to prepare myself mentally to be defensive for I was fortunate to be in the midst of those I love and who love me.   There was no judgment in the room.  The focus was on the ambiance and spending time together.  Afterwards, a wonderful thing happened.  One of the guests came up to me and began to ask questions regarding how to get started on a vegan path of their own.  Exuberant  and happy to assist,  I immediately gave him taste samples.  He was surprised at how "tasty" they were and that the food was "uncooked".  I gave him a bag of raw goodies to take home with a heart-felt promise to help him transition.  I am proud of the decision he has made for his health and quality of life.  My meal appealed to him and sparked inspiration.  For this, I am thankful.  I had carefully thought out the meal, wishing for an opportunity to speak about live foods, not realizing that this small wish would come true before the night ended.  This meal was special for me, it symbolized my gratitude as I look forward to next month in which I will celebrate, marking one year since converting to raw, live foods.  I was happy to express how my life has changed, and overjoyed to share my appreciation:

Yellow Squash Noodles with Cashew Cheese Sauce

Grate squash with a noodle maker or spiral vegetable slicer

Soak 2 cups raw cashews for 4 hrs, drain, puree in blender.  Add garlic and lemon juice to taste

Garnish with slithers of red pepper

Mushrooms Stuffed with Chopped Kale and Tomatoes

Core Mushrooms, stuff with chopped kale and diced tomatoes

Savory Corn Cakes

    Adapted from the recipe by Michael Lloyd-Billington, 

Yogi, raw chef, fitness instructor, and owner of Alternative Personal Training: 

                                4 c. sweet corn

                                1 large red bell pepper, finely chopped

                                6 shittake mushrooms, finely chopped

                                2 shallots, finely minded

                                Juice of 1 lemon

                                1 t powdered rosemary * (adapted - substituted with sage; taste preference)

                                2 c. raw cashews, processed to light meal * (adapted -  I chopped cashews and added to mixture)

                                1 T olive oil * (adapted - omitted from my version)

                                Cracked black pepper & salt to taste * (adapted - omitted from my version)

Whisk lemon juice, oil & seasoning.  Pulse corn very, very lightly in food processor -- literally just 2 quick pulses--then fold in chopped ingredients & dressing.  Add just enough cashew meal to very lightly bind.  

Form into cakes & then very lightly dust with a little more meal.

Pureed Sweet Potatoes

Yes, you can eat raw sweet potatoes!

Banana Pudding

Puree 2 bananas, sprinkle with cinnamon

Wow.  It turned out to be a wonderful holiday.  It had changed yet stayed the same.  I enjoyed a wonderful meal with wonderful people.  As the day ended, one of the guests remarked that I looked different.  Hmm, I didn't think I looked different other than the obvious weight loss. As I thought about it though, I guess my look had changed, especially to those who haven't seen me in a while. Since my transition, my hair has grown, my nails are strong, my skin is clear, my smile is wide and my heart is happy - all because...I Am Vegan. I wondered...did I "look" vegan?

Faces of Vegan Project

What does being vegan look like? Lisa Viger,  photographer, vegan artist, chef, and author of the blog "Raw on $10 a Day (or Less!)"  who describes her work as "art : food : life" asked herself this very same thing.   She asked vegans to engage in her "Faces of Vegan Project" in which she set out to answer the question.  I, along with several friends, eagerly volunteered to participate and was honored to be included in the resulting video that was appropriately released on Thanksgiving Day:

What does being vegan look like? Vegans look like me and you, the man next door, the woman upstairs, the child playing in the yard outside.  There isn't a formula of what a vegan should look like as we all are walking through divergent points along our paths.  The passion though, is congruent - does this mean that vegans look "different" from those not vegan and the "same" as other vegans?  It's possible - perhaps that is what my guest sensed in me...the difference in my spirit and in the being of who I am now from that which I used to be.  I can not tell you what being vegan looks like. It is up to you to decide.  I can, however,  tell you what it being vegan feels like.   If these feelings flow from within the body and demonstrate themselves physically on outside, then I guess that what being vegan looks like is .....happy, beautiful, and free.  With that, as I reflected on the day, I wasn't far off tradition after all.  I had much to be grateful for - to Michael for sharing his recipe; to Lisa for putting together the video project; to the many people who have inspired and changed my life this past year; for enjoying a meal with family and friends; for the opportunity to rejoice in the prospect of helping someone transition; to being able to say openly, "I am proud, I am different, I am ... Vegan".

Yoga: Anjaneysana -

 Crescent or Low Lunge 

Anjaneysana, which strengthens balance, back, and legs, is practiced to stimulate the diaphragm and open the heart.  It's expansion and reach is also an expression of praise, abundance, joy and gratitude.

Angels and Anniversaries

"Angels are among us; when you find them, cherish their presence everyday"-unknown

This month  marks the anniversary of this journey.  It has been one year since I first placed pen to paper.  What began as an effort to document progress, force commitment and a vehicle to deal with demons, has become the grounding foundation I sought to seek.  It seems as if it were just yesterday that I began, yet so much has happened, as if a tremendous span of time has passed since last September ..


Angel of Catalyst
365 days ago, I had very little knowledge.  All I knew was that I could no longer continue in the direction in which I was going.  While stumbling out of the gate and researching online, I came across the website, The Vegan Muse.  Something about the site was beckoning and easy to follow.  I wrote the creator, Charlie Pinkston, sharing my truths and my story.  I explained my inexperience, my dreams, my vulnerability and my desire to live a vegan life.  She quickly responded and did an amazing thing - she welcomed me openly and unconditionally.  As we corresponded, Charlie quickly became the catalyst, igniting a fire within me.  In return, not only did she share with me, she freely gave advice, nutritional tips, friendship, and inspiration to stay the course.  When I tried my hand at what became my signature dish, she invited me to participate in the book

The Vegan Muse and The Sexy Raw Vegan
Angels of catalyst and fuel....
...who graciously became my Sisters

she was planning (and eventually published this past Spring), "The Vegan Muse and Friends".  I was stunned for her book is filled with features from seasoned yogis and professional vegan chefs.  Yet, despite this, she also included me, a pure novice, to participate.  Charlie believed in me more than I believed in myself.  She wanted to show that regardless of your experience level, it isn't hard to create a vegan dish if you have the desire to just simply try.  Low and behold, I reside on page 136 as a testament in gratitude to the angel who opened the door to reveal my true journey.  How can you give up or fail when there is a guardian angel evoking and leading the way?  Charlie saw or felt something I had yet to see.

Angel of Fuel
Once ignited, I became insatiable, hungry for more information, possessing a new motivation to learn and to create.  Unfortunately, as angels lurk, so do demons:  initial smells and temptations of former favorites, lack of support, self flagellation, mental deprecation, second guessing, feeling alone, forced defense, and doubt all hovered internally.  Simultaneously, I was externally left flabbergasted and devastated by the negativity, hatred, harsh unsolicited judgment, and ugliness of others, leaving me at times, loaded and downtrodden as the steam began to fizzle.  Through Charlie, I had begun to meet several kind people, one of which provided an experience -  a pure burst of positive bright vegan energy, Drew McCall  Burke.   Drew quickly became the fuel to combust the smoldering embers within me.  Drew, better known as the "Sexy Raw Vegan",  also fitness guru and raw vegan chef,  became my guide.  She possesses an uncanny understanding of how what you put into your body effects how your move your body.  Food is fuel.  Fuel provides power.  Drew's ability to communicate this became the power and the energy needed to move forward, to stay the course.  She selflessly opened her heart and began to coach me, eventually introducing me to a raw, live food lifestyle.    Her promotion, telephone calls, emails, and chats provided positive support.... continuous fuel to feed the flames now burning bright within me.  She challenged me to move outside of my comfort zone and to stand up to face my demons - those tangible and those in the forms of poor food choices. She became the fuel to my fire.

Angel of Fire
With an intensity, this past year has been an incredible experience. I have learned so much and am eager to return as much as has been given to me.  I am on fire.  I burn with voracity consuming all in my path, learning and reaching out to as many as I can.  The student is becoming the teacher.  With burning passion, I have begun to adapt and to "uncook" meals that once served as staples.  Last year, I was so pleased to present Veggie Tuna.  It was my signature dish, it served me well.  Although it did not contain any fish, it was a mock version consisting of cooked garbanzo beans, grapeseed vegan mayonnaise, green pepper, red onion, and tomato.  It was a triumph to create this dish...and it is equally pleasing to present a live, raw version:

LIVE Veggie Tuna

Sprouted Garbanzo Beans

Sprouted Quinoa
Green Pepper

Red Onion
Tomato

Sprout beans (takes 3-4 days), sprout quinoa (takes 24-48hrs).  Chop/dice green pepper, red onion, tomato. Ground garbanzo beans in food processor or blender. Add other ingredients.  Liquid from tomato should hold it all together.

When you are blessed with the presence of angels, you are able to defeat your demons with fervor. As you reach any milestone or anniversary demarcation in your life, you reflect.  Reflection allows you to:

                                                           see:    where you've been

                                            acknowledge:   where you are

                                                 determine:   where you're going

As you see where you've been, you will be able so see where you're going.  In order to acknowledge where you are, you must acknowledge where you've been.  As you determine where you're going, you determine where you are.   Whether you rejoice loudly in celebration or sit quietly in somber gratitude, whether you recognize or not, you should know that you have not arrived at any particular point in your life alone.  You've had to deal with demons, assisted by angels who have guided and supported you along the way.   Over time, as you reflect, you will begin to recognize them, as they reveal themselves in the form of teachers, friends, neighbors, parents, and sometimes strangers - people we do not know but are grateful that they seemingly are in the "right place at the right time".  As angels grace, do not let their assistance be in vain.  As you have received, let the fire ignited within you burn bright and use it to become an angel for someone else.  Freely offer and avail yourself to another in your stead.  As you receive, you so should give in return.

Fire once started need not be extinguished.  It can be a continuous event, as long as it is consistently fed and nourished.  Use your angelfire to ignite and fan the flame of someone else.  Being an angel isn't difficult and doesn't have to be a complex endeavor, it can be as simple as a few kind words, opening a closed door, a pat on the back, being either a catalyst or a provider of fuel.  How ever you choose to spread your wings, always remember to be a pillar of support where none exists.  Burn your fire with intensity for as you grow, so shall all you encounter.

This anniversary I see clearly now, having successfully conquered demons.   With humble gratitude,  I am fortified with the blessing of both the catalyst and the fuel, angels who have graciously become my sisters... and I embrace with thanksgiving the many angels met this past year (to name just a few: Jen, John, Glen, Chloe, Jo, Travis, Brian, Marcus, Asante, Toni, Suky, Ron, Danelle, Gina, Mitzi, Jason, Rosie, Xavier, Yogini, Zenita).  To each of them, to those too many to name, and to each of you, with my deepest bow,  Namaste.

Yoga:  Manipura, the third Chakra
The third chakra, also called the navel chakra or solar plexis, is located within the digestive system.  It is represented by the color yellow as it is considered the life force,  the "seat of fire within the body". According to Yoga Journal, "this chakra is involved in self-esteem, warrior energy, the power or transformation, governing digestion and metbolism."  It is the source of generosity and selfless service, provides courage to take risks, and reinforces ethics.

I practice Dhanurasana with Breath of Fire..
...keeping ignited embers lit.

Pose:     Dhanurasana - Bow Pose
The bow pose stimulates the Manipura.   In Kundalini Yoga, the bow pose is practiced in conjunction with the Breath of Fire (rapid breathing technique). It massages the abdominal organs and strengthens the back, increasing digestive fire.

Walking the Talk

When I started this journey, I had no idea that the personal steps taken would lead to a public walk.  I also didn't realize that I would become an example of change.  It is often said that people do not like change.  Not so.  It is the "fear of the unknown" aspect of change that people do not like.  When presented with an example of change, the very same people may form an opinion different from one  formed  without an example.  People will often visualize how something will effect them when they do not have a way to "see" a result.  We humans love to "fill in the blanks".  A physical, tangible walking example ends speculation about change. When people can see, touch, and feel how a positive change can be brought forth, they become curious and are apt to try it for themselves.   Each of us possess the ability to be an example of something for someone.  Most of us never know who is watching our gait nor do we realize the impact we are making. When you recognize that you, solicited or not, have become an example for others, you must act accordingly and accept the responsibility that comes with it.  If you are blessed with both the knowledge and the opportunity to lead by example, use it!

Be Contagious

A walking advertisement

As stated, I started out on a personal walk of faith.  Faith in success, support, and transformation.  I decided to advertise.  I ordered a Vegan OM t-shirt from a vegan friend who is also graphic-artist/designer.  I love this shirt.  It exemplifies who and what I am.  It sparks inquiries.  If asked, I am sure to tell my truth.   I had begun to "talk", sharing my story with strangers.   When you start talking, you must back up your words, you must walk.  If the talk is truth, the walk is easy.  If your words lie, then a bumpy road lies ahead.

My husband always says "you never know how you look to others until they tell you".  What I failed to realize is how my walk has begun to influenced the steps of others close to me who are on a walk of their own.  As I receive coaching, counseling and guidance, I am being sought to give of the same:

•   My brother-in-law, the 18yr old gentlemen, a friend on the verge of his 30th birthday, and my son have each expressed their desire to become a vegetarian and have made steps in that direction.

• My husband is content with his consumption of meat but has increased his vegetable intake by 80%, even sampling my dishes

While I can not take full responsibility for the personal choice of these individuals to effect change in their lives, I accept that my example serves as a contagious burst toward a new alternative.  My new loquaciousness has led to a call to action, to spread this positive contagion further.  So far, so good - in the nine short months since seriously committing to this lifestyle,  I have guest written an article for a wellness website, written a testimony for an e-book, been featured in a vegan cookbook, served as a yoga ambassador for a wellness event, and have been asked to become an employee wellness champion for a retailer.  It is a continuous cycle.  The more you reach out, the more reach out to you.  Since my son lives with me, it is easy to reach out to him.  His favorite Asian inspired dish is General Tso's Chicken.  It is a sweet and spicy chicken dish served with fried rice and broccoli.  I made this vegan version for my husband and son. They both admitted it rivaled the meat version. Although not a proponent of faux meat, I accept that it helps the transition from a meat to a plant based diet go a little smoother.

Spreading contagion: Stir-fried
Vegan version of a favorite Asian-inspired dish

Vegan Gung Pao 

Seitan, Green Onion

Garlic, Ginger

Dried red chili peppers (seeds removed), Sea salt,

Agave nectar, Sesame Oil

Brown rice, Broccoli

Bragg's Amino Acid

Steam brown rice, set aside. Dice garlic, ginger, onion.   Heat sesame oil in pan or wok.  Add diced ingredients, chili peppers, broccoli. Add seitan, agave nectar & sea salt to taste.  Place stir fry over bed of rice.  Top with amino acid.

More than Just Food!

When you decide to place your ideas in motion, you can apply it to anything.  It's about more than just food!  A friend who blogs about a "blissful, eco-friendly life", just sold all of her belongings and is moving her family to another state to build an eco-friendly house on an organic farm.  She has begun to live her words!  She has decided what a better way  to "show" a blissful life instead of just "telling" how blissful life can be.   When things do not go well, most people are quick to report it, talk about, or complain about it.  They are not however, so quick when to "tell"  when things are great.  They hoard the good thing to themselves, only volunteering when asked or prompted.  It's a little selfish and we all are guilty.  We like to keep our goodies close to our hearts.  Oddly, while you would think keeping it close will prolongs it's life, it doesn't, for nothing lasts forever.  It is better to spread your good thing amongst many to ensure it's life, your legacy, and the life of those you've touched.  Go, tell your story,  put action into your words. Share your goodness.  Whether it is cooking a new version of an old favorite, offering a few pointers on how to do or "be", building a farmhouse, or simply wearing a t-shirt, become an example of  some "thing" for some "one".

"Each one, teach one" ~African Proverb

Yoga:  Setting Intention

The beginning of each yoga practice begins with an intention. An intention is not a goal.  A goal is a future-based objective.  An intention is "present-based".   Intentions are values which establish clarity for your practice. 


According to abellayoga.com, intentions can be as simple as a word: "breathe", "relax", a statement, "I am happy with who I am", or a dedication to someone you wish send positive energy. The purpose of an intention is to focus on where you are at the present time and what you plan to do right now. 


Setting intention is a personal, current-state, grounding alignment of mind and body.  As the mind, "talks", the intention prepares the body for the "walk". 


Namaste.

Letting Go

I just read a powerful  blog entry by my dear friend Susan. In it, she talks about her son's deployment and dealing with change that was not self-initiated.  She talks about letting go and transitioning into a new situation.  The article was very profound for me as I also saw her article as grounding.  It is hard to let go when uncertain that there is solid footing upon which to land.  Her experience is no different from my vegan one or from any adjustment you may be occurring.  The commonality is that when faced with any form of change whether warranted or unwarranted, it is up to each of us to recognize, as she puts it, the "curve balls which force us into the best possible opportunities" or as I like to say, "a chance to grow strong feet".

There are several things we can not change.  There are several surprises thrust upon us that we do not like.  There are several decisions we are forced to make.  What is your coping mechanism? How you do handle change -  Do you dig down deep accept change, or do you fight it?  Whether you do anything or not, change will still occur.  How you handle it, is up to you.

 "If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice".  
from the song "Freewill" ©1980, Rush

So make the choice!  It is better to look at yourself and how you handle changes.  Become grounded in who and what you are.  This will equip you to handle anticipated change and those unexpectedly thrust upon you.

Letting go as in above, means acceptance of the departure of a loved one.  Sometimes it means letting go of a way of doing things, and other times, it means letting go of those you need to say goodbye to. We are a selfish society.  When we love something, we think of our personal gratification and tend to hold on to it dearly.  In any relationship, albeit parent:child, friend:friend; partner:partner, caregiver:recipient, or spouse:spouse, many of us have probably heard that  "if you truly love someone, you have to find the strength to let them go".   In these situations, we muster the strength to express our love and do just that - let go.  But let's look at this more intimately - how you have ever applied this to your very being?   Do you love yourself enough to let go, to accept an opportunity for personal growth?  Every chance to change is a chance to exhibit the strength of your grounding and chance to experience progression.

Growth

Getting back to Susan.  My friend had to release her loved one, something no one wants to do.  Her love for him, however gave her the strength to liberate him, to accept the change in her life. A funny thing happens when you let go of your own personal desire and place the love of others first - you grow stronger.  This deep-core strength is courage exemplified.  Don't waste it.  Use it to challenge an internal growth and try something new.When you think about it, as you let go of one thing, innate habit naturally forces you to grasp another.  No one floats idly or aimlessly.  We all hold on to some "thing" at different intervals in our lives. As Susan musters the courage to let her son "grow", she also has let go, opening up and providing space for a growth of her own.  She has begun to use her new found courage to do something she always wanted to do:  complete a triathlon.  Growth doesn't have to be large on a global scale for growth is personal.  It can also be a small thing.

Handstands and Cheese

While I've experienced deep growth as a diligent worker towards personal alignment (Beaconing Light), I appreciate the small growth spurt increments along the way.  Prior to Yoga, I suffered from vertigo - an equilibrium imbalance.  Attacks would come and go unannounced.  It's an incapacitating and terrible condition of nausea, dizziness, and headache.  Since I started practicing, I have not experienced a single episode, however, the fear of falling or seriously injuring myself linger and haunt.  For that reason, I mentally shied away from poses that challenge this very thing.  In my comfort zone, I stayed in poses close to the ground.  My coach then challenges me to do a handstand.  I meditated, deciding to love my self enough to release my fear, to accept that I am changing and to become grounded in my growth.  I found the courage to try it. With a little help of the wall behind me, I accomplished this feat.  Sure, I'll need more practice to strengthen my hold, but the realization of being grounded by my hands instead of my feet is the true reward.  It is demonstrative of change.

Now for the cheese...prior to becoming vegan, cheese was the one thing I thought I enjoyed.  I knew it was not good for me but I ate it not caring for the lethargy that accompanied it.  I thought cheese and fermentation was a complex thing.  After transition, I did not like the  "vegan cheese alternatives".  Many contained animal by-products like casein and most of them are commercially processed.  In my new, raw, live-food world - cheese does not exist, or so I thought.  Live foodists eat cheeses made from nuts or seeds.  I decided to try to manufacture my own.  I felt grounded and secure enough in my new "non-cooking" to let go of previous notions.  I purchased some raw sunflowers seeds and "went for it":

Sunflower Seed Cheese

Raw sunflower seeds * nutritional yeast * garlic * sea salt

Soak sunflower seeds overnight, drain.  In a blender or food processor, grind drained seeds until smooth, add yeast, garlic and sea salt to taste.  Place mixture in a cheese cloth, 

squeeze out excess liquid, form into a ball.

It's a small and simple thing this cheese but it represents forward movement, education, and growth.

What's Love Got To Do With It?

Everything.  True love of others allows you to let them go to discover and experience growth of their own.   True non-narcissistic "love of self" allows you to:

• find the strength and courage to try new things
• see yourself clearly and where you wish to go
• accept opportunity to improve and change
• establish challenge goals and use ability to achieve them

Define your loves, release, and discover your growth opportunities.  Use the strength of your new found courage to move forward, to change, to complete a triathlon, grow strong feet & hands, or just simply find a new way to make cheese.

Yoga:  Virabhadrasana II - Warrior 2

Named for the ancient warrior, Virabhadra, who, when called into battle, is overcome with fear.  The teachings of yoga "liberate" him, allowing him to let go, act with fierce courage and unwavering focus.

Warrior 2 is an anchored, grounded posture.  It is acknowledgement of past, letting go of trepidation, placing weight on feet with forward focus and movement, strong...ready for choice, ready for challenge, ready for change. 

Beaconing Light

Let your light shine bright: reach out, use it, share it

As you know, this month marked six months of being vegan.  While my overall goal has been personal, I feel the increasing need to continue to outreach and share with each of you in hopes of inspiring "pay it forward" positive energy.   My dream that perhaps, in one of these posts, just one thought or experience connects with just one out there to do the same.   I challenge each of you to embrace this thought.  As you receive, what do you give?  We each were born with a light.  Do you keep your light for your own desire, or do you allow your flame to flicker out into the open, sharing the light and warmth with all whom encounter it?  Some of us do big things, others small, in either instance, do we share the light of things we encounter or do we selfishly keep it to ourselves?  As we experience, we should become a beacon - as we look toward the light established for us by others, we should also remember to let our own lights shine, reaching and guiding as many as we can. For together, we all become brighter through the union of our flames.

This little light of mine

This journey requires not just talking, but actually walking.  I've decided to take my light and go running out into the dark.  It's scary out there.  I've decided to take a leap of faith that moves me from in front of this computer and transports me to a place, in person, in front of people.  I've decided to let my little light shine as bright as I can.  As I walk this vegan and yogic journey, I began to seek out other avenues in which I  walk the talk, receive and give.  I came across an opportunity to do just this thing.  I discovered "Yoga on the Parkway" , a community "Spread the Love" event dedicated to promoting health and wellness within the City of Philadelphia.  I first decided to participate to meet other yogis and health conscious people.  The more I read about the event, the more I decided to apply to become an Ambassador for the event.  The application asked for an answer to the questions how I wished to promote wellness and why I felt I would make an excellent ambassador.  I jumped off the cliff and took the leap!  I wrote an essay filled with my truths and my journey.  Much to my surprise, I was selected and am now an Ambassador for this wonderful event.  I now get to go out on weekly themed excursions, promoting this event.  If you will be in the area, I  invite each of you to visit the website to participate for it is not just for serious yogis, but for everyone, regardless of their experience, age, body weight, or gender. This week's theme inspired this blog entry as we are to "let our lights shine" by giving out tea candles. I am humbled and grateful for this reward as I continue this  serendipitous journey.

My little light is now shining more brightly as its intensity has been multiplied by the light of the others I have met, each an Ambassador in their deserved right with little lights of their own.  As an Ambassador, my responsibility is to volunteer my time to promote and invite as many as possible to join,to gather, and to mass to practice, meditate, and to celebrate health.   Om Shanti!

Become an Ambassador

As we land, the way becomes brightly lit and clear,
guided by those who landed before us

As an Ambassador, I plan to volunteer a teleconference on a "Wellness Wednesday" in which I will share my vegan experience.  I've learned through this process that we each can be an ambassador if we choose to be.  I don't profess to know all but I am eager and humbly willing to give what I am, where I am.

What do you have to share? What champion resides in you that is waiting and beaconing you to shine?  Are you able to overcome your fear and take the leap of faith?  When we leap into what we think is dark and unknown, we often discover that as we get closer to landing, there are several others who have leaped before us who are waiting and are using their light to guide our way.  The closer we get, the clearer the way becomes.  As we land, it is our responsibility to join the group, ready to assist those whom come in our stead.

Yoga: Suyra Namaskar - Sun Salutation
The salute to the sun is a flow series that will help you achieve a sense of well being 

 and purpose.  You can observe Suyra Namaskar - regardless of where you are or who you are, it allows you to bring light where none exists.  No matter how dark it may be or whether you see it or not, you know that the sun is always shining...somewhere. The sun gives life, provides ignition for your internal light and allows you to shine.  Namaste.

Peaceful Transformation

Day 180 - Six months

Wow.  I awoke with an awestruck feeling of gratitude.  This day marked new beginnings, new friends, and new life.  It marked transition, trying, and transformation.  I am a new creature.  I am not the same person I was just 180 days ago.  I am amazed at the many new things I've learned and humbled by the massive amount of things yet to know.  With eagerness, I accept each new experience with encouragement, and I attempt to convey as much and as soon as I can.  As I reach, I teach, as I share, I care.

Dis-claimer

The prefix "dis" is often has a negative association as it generally means "not".  In this case, I would state that I am not a health professional, dietitian, nutritionist, fitness trainer, guru, or chef.  I do not profess to have the knowledge to cure illness, foster weight loss, or prolong life.  In fact, I recommend that individuals consult a professional and obtain a mentor/coach to guide their path with a healthy focus.  Sometimes, however, "dis" can be associated with a positive spin as it is the opposite of a negative connotation, for example: "disinfect".   While I can not promise a miracle fix, I can share my experience and my transformation in hopes that this choice will disengage negative feedback, enable discussion of discoveries, distribution, disclosure and display that as I discard, past ways will disappear, so too will dys-function, dis-ease and dis-ability.

Recognizing Change - relationship of  Yoga and Veganism

Yoga and Veganism
 Hand in Hand on one accord

I began this journey almost two years ago.   It had begun with "exercising", a little cardio, circuit training, and a some yoga.  Slowly, I found that I felt better after practicing yoga than after a strenuous workout. I started doing less of these exercises and more of yoga.  The more yoga I practiced, the more I began to realize that yoga is not exercise.   Yoga is a means to bring your mind, body, spirit, and soul into one accord with peace and tranquility.  I had begun to change.  The more I disconnected with traditional physical movement, the more cleansed I felt.  This lead to more and more dislike of things I knew were not good for my body.   Six months ago, after a year of enjoying the benefits of yoga practice, the realization of the need to review the food consumed  just swept over me like a wave.  With an intensity, it suddenly became important to understand that this transformation was not just a physical adjustment, but a mental and spiritual one as well - thus, becoming vegan.  Acknowledging this change is not a major revelation but more of a natural progression.  The link between Yoga and Veganism is as old as the practice of yoga itself.  If  in yoga, you are working toward a clean body, mind, and spirit, the wish would be to only place things in the body that would not contradict the practice.  The more yoga I practiced, the more desire I had to select foods that focused on healing, purifying, and of a pranic (quieting) nature.  My desire to eat anything of an animal origin had lessened.  I had begun a transformation naturally.  The decision to become vegan feels "right".  According to Pantanjali, the father of yoga, "the purpose of yoga is enlightenment, that one can not attain enlightenment through the harming of other beings (i.e. animals". Although we don't wish to think about it, consumption of flesh is a violent act.

Lokah Samasta Sukhino  Bahavantu

Emerge peacefully from your chrysalis and fly!

This mantra means " May all beings be happy and free and may the thoughts,  words and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and that freedom for all".  This mantra is the banner which represents the relationship between yoga and veganism.  Too often during these past short six months, I've been challenged, confronted, questioned, and forced to defend my eating habits.  Not many outside of my vegan circle have applauded or even complimented.  I realize that people are not personally attacking me, but rather, are experiencing their own fear of transformation.  In the leadership transformation book, "Flight of the Buffalo", authors James Belasco and Ralph Stayer state that:

"Change is hard because people overestimate the value of what they have -

 and underestimate the value of what they may gain by giving that up". 

This is avoidable if the change is positive, natural, and in accordance with mind, body and soul.  Instead of anger, I feel compassion for those who attack, and I choose to feel happiness, to accept ayurvedic (holistic mind, body, and soul) approach. I challenge those afraid to emerge from their own personal chrysalis transformed,  new and fresh and to embody Lokah Samasta Sukhino Bahavantu.

"When we quit thinking primarily about ourselves and our own self preservation,

 we undergo a truly heroic transformation of consciousness"- Jospeh Campbell

As I celebrate the end of my previous life and the beginning of  life anew, I am strengthened by peaceful transition as the gap between mind, body, spirit, and soul quietly closes and slowly continues to transform. I am grateful for the opportunity to learn, dis-cern, share, and grow.  May you all be happy and free.

Namaste.

Yoga:  Bridge Pose - Setu Bandha Sarvangasana

The bridge pose is a beginning backbend that strengthens the legs, hips, massages the spine, opens the heart.  According to The Capricious Yogi, "the purpose of this pose is more than a physical gesture.  Prior to posing, place hands in prayer position at the third eye and make an intention or dedication.  By combining your intentions with the of opening the heart and the strength of the back bend, the pose aligns or 'bridges' the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual within the body."
The bridge pose provides a slow, peaceful strength that allows transformation from one point to another.

Giving Thanks

As the holiday approached, I eagerly anticipated this Thanksgiving for it would be a day filled with firsts.  Earlier this year, my first-born had moved out.  This would be his first Thanksgiving waking up in a home of his own, the king of his castle.  It would be our first without him.  He wanted to celebrate and decided to host dinner this year.  His first as host, our first as guests.  It would also be my first time not portraying the "Lady of the House" since his girlfriend was well suited for the role.  My husband and I expressed our feelings of pride. It was a pleasurable experience to watch the maturity and growth of our son.  Personally, of course, it was also my first vegan Thanksgiving.

Trepidation

Leading up to dinner, I had a brief moment of insecurity and fear, flooding myself with questions. I had to remind myself that I would be with immediate family: husband, adult children, and intimate friend each of whom provide truth, encouragement, support and inspiration.  This thought provided the calm needed to overcome the feeling of trepidation.  After exhaling a deep cleansing breath, I relaxed and was able to create a simple meal of staple foods I had previously prepared for myself up to this point.  

Go with Whatcha Know!

I answered each of the questions swirling in my head.  I go with "what I knew", I prepared a bean/veggie patty, accompanied with veggies and made a vegan sweet potato pie to present to the dinner guests.  I packaged my meal and took it with me.  At the dinner table, as I took my seat, I placed my platter on the table.  Since I was not the hostess, I did not sit opposite the head of the table.  I sat in a seat alongside the table, as a guest, next to my husband, across from my baby (also now an adult), at the left of first-born, and at the right of his girlfriend, a wonderful young lady.  I chuckled to myself, at how silly I was at second guessing. I had to once again,  remember to "go with what I knew"  - that with all of this genuine love at the table, how could I question non-acceptance?  

My 1st Vegan Thanksgiving Preparation
Pinto bean patties with collard greens, corn, and sweet potato

After we expressed our gratitude for this gathering of firsts, my adult home-owner son says to me, "That looks good Mommy."  In those few words, my first Vegan Thanksgiving had been summed up.  I had what many seek and sadly do not find:  gratitude.   However you define gratitude doesn't matter for the meaning is germane to each.   For me it is love, life, family, health.  What is important however, is to take the time to give thanks for the small progressions realizing that huge leaps are few and far between.  It is the little steps and tiny increments that secure our footing and lead us to the next big thing.

Remember to identify and express your gratitude.  

Give thanks for the non-tangible

                   Be grateful for non-monetary experiences

                   Be thankful for embrace, warmth 

                             Welcome each opportunity to share

                              Express gratitude for ability to give, to grow, 

                                                   Be humble and eager to learn.

Yoga:  n-a-m-a-s-t-e  

Namaste  is an expression of gratitude.   It means, " the light in me honors and bows to the light in you."  It also means to be humble.  As you quietly say "Namaste",  close your eyes, press your palms together in the middle of your at your heart and lightly bow your head and shoulders, give thanks and be grateful.